Paul's Apprentice

The penny dropped

I thank God that I finally accepted and understood this truth earlier this year at just 30 years of age, and not two or three decades later (or even worse, never). Still, it would have been amazing to truly understand it a lot sooner, and that is why I think this is something we absolutely need to understand ourselves and then pass it on to the younger generations.

I have personally never been one to judge or condemn others generally but in particular other Christians, and I owe that, at least in part, to my parent’s example. Criticism had no part in our dinner table.

However, earlier this year, I did judge; I did condemn a brother in Christ. Yes, it was zeal alright, but not according to knowledge. I’ve read the verse a hundred times: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” However, I took the liberty of reasoning in my mind, “Yes but…”

Romans 8:1 is a universal truth and I have decided that from now on I am going to take it at face value: there are no yes but’s. Sure, there are strong biblical instructions for dealing with, say, a divisive Christian – have nothing to do with them (after warning them a first time and then a second time). But we are never given permission to condemn others. As followers of Christ, we are not allowed to pronounce judgment on anyone, let alone our fellow brothers and sisters.

The day I understood this truth (a couple of months ago) was the day I realised I was no better than anyone else and, fundamentally, that there was nothing I could do permanently fix the deceitful nature of my heart¹. As you might imagine, this was probably the most significant day of my life. My perception of others changed overnight, literally. My worldview changed, which means my identity changed². I no longer felt repulsed by other Christians’ weaknesses or shortcomings because I had finally accepted my own, and in that respect, we are no different: redeemed sinners, nothing more.

The following morning, still perplexed about what had happened, I asked one of the pastors of my Church, “How do I know that I have the Spirit of God?” And without hesitation, he replied, “That’s easy: do you love your brothers?”

My attempt to fulfil the Law

“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Obedience is always good, even if we get a little conceited about how obedient we might be (this is why humility is so encouraged throughout the Bible). It’s one thing obeying, e.g. not judging my brother, out of obedience – without seeing the rationale behind God’s command. It’s another thing to get a glimpse of God’s perspective (the right perspective) and understand that we all fall short of the glory of God. If my brother deserves condemnation, surely I do too.

If you, LORD, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

I have made great efforts to love my brothers in Christ for many years, and in a way, I think I did an OK job of it, or at least when compared to the average. I was only doing so from a sense of duty; still, without knowing it, I was (and still am) on my way to fulfilling the law: for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.

But I was never going to see people as God sees them, nor begin to feel what God feels for them without first seeing myself as God sees me. This deserves a separate discussion, but the principle is simple:

• As long as I thought too highly of myself (despite the endless warnings in Scripture and red flags all around me), I looked down on others (though I still treated them as I would like to be treated³);

• The brief periods I thought too low of myself, due to my real failings, allowing guilt and shame to rule over me⁴, I esteemed others too highly (my close friends and family would testify to this).

I needed to come to terms with the true nature of my heart, which I think is best described in the latter half of Romans 7⁵. Understanding what Paul really meant here (especially the perplexing way he ends the chapter) should guard us against the idea that grace is just a theoretical, abstract part of our theology, or from thinking (like I did for many years) that grace was only useful to explain my past (how I got to where I am now) but has no relevance or application to my present or my future.

Grace must be a reality in our day to day, otherwise we can’t walk in true humility. Sure, I need God’s forgiveness for my bad decisions, but I desperately need a saviour to save me from myself!

O wretched man that I am! Who will save me from this body of death? Thanks be to God who delivers me through Christ Jesus our Lord.

With a little hindsight, I can now see that God had been trying to show me who I really was for quite some time, but I stubbornly refused to see it. Yes, when it was right there before my eyes, I would realise what I had done, how I had failed, how I had fallen short of the ideal; but I was unwilling to conclude that that was who I was, that I had reached my limits, and that God’s grace was sufficient. I was determined to fix myself (having been saved by grace), and at no point did the thought occur to me that I might have got it wrong and was striving to do the impossible.

God wants to use me in spite of me

I do believe passing judgment was was the most serious mistake (sin) I’ve ever committed. I say this not only because of how much Jesus and the apostles emphasised not judging one another, but because our repeated failure as followers of Christ to heed this command has often caused us to work in direct opposition to Jesus’ own prayer that they may be one; perfectly one. Had I continued in my delusion, I would have certainly gone on to become another divisive Christian, and no doubt I would have dragged others along with me.⁶

The good news is that there is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus. No condemnation – definitely not because we don’t do anything deserving of condemnation, but because the God we serve is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love; his mercies are new every morning. God’s greatness and glory are in that He wins in the end even though he chooses to use people like you and me – with all our faults (of course he wants to make us more like his Son in the meantime). That’s how God works, that’s just who he is, and that’s why he’s worthy of giving our lives for.

Yes, I will continue to love my neighbour (albeit imperfectly) out of obedience to God; but I will also love because now I know that I have been forgiven much – a world of debt I could never repay, and I would like others to know how much they have been or can be forgiven, not only so that they can enjoy the free gift of new life in Christ, but also so that they can be people who love much.

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1. The biggest delusion that permeates our societies is the idea that ‘something good does dwell in me, that is, in my flesh, i.e. independently of God.’ In actual fact, everything admirable in us fundamentally depends on God’s grace being at work in all of us all of the time (Ro 2:14-15). Of course, that does not explain everything, as we can then choose to suppress the truth in unrigteousness and so have our conscience seared or side with the truth and persevere in doing good as we seek for glory, honour and immortality. ↩︎ ↩︎
2. Identity is more complex than we generally like to think – especially us Christians who tend to define it exhaustively as what God says about us. From a psychological perspective, identity seems to be directly related to our perceptions – I am Argentinian/British because I see the world as an Argentine/Brit (though I’m not legally British). I don’t see the world as an Italian even though I am legally Italian. In the same way, embracing my identity as a forgiven sinner and a child of God (by faith) is important but it should ultimately lead to a change in my perceptions – of myself, of God and of others. ↩︎ ↩︎
3. Deep down, I always knew that the problem was my perceptions, not God’s word. If I am commanded to think of others as more important than myself, surely it must be possible! But despite all my efforts, there seemed to be nothing I could do about it. ↩︎ ↩︎
4. I guess the way I understood Romans 8:1 was that there was no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus as long as I didn’t do anything deserving condemnation. That’s why I didn’t take hold of this truth for myself in those key moments when I felt condemned. ↩︎ ↩︎
5. Despite the endless debates over the centuries which have not shed any further light as far as I can tell ↩︎ ↩︎
6. Though my arrogance would have me think I am one among the few who understood this principle of not judging, I’m actually just another in a very long list: we see the divisions clearly but not the non-divisions, as the latter are never as obvious. I’d like to think that for every division occurred in Church History, there may have been dozens that never occurred as they were halted by faithful men and women of God who took the Bible seriously and chose humbly and grace, and turned to God to resolve conflicts. My prayer is that I would choose humility and put my theory into practic in the same way if ever I find myself in a similar situation. ↩︎ ↩︎